What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 01:43
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Would this be the day?
She found it foreign!.
Why do people stay in cults after they have joined?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Why cant I stop thinking about counsellor between sessions?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I don,t even have a pension.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why are the Chinese so sensitive to Western criticism?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I said to her
Would you join a gym or workout at home and why?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
What is the difference between heaven and heavens?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I will be 64.
So whats the point in blame.
I think the readers, may guess!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
(And it was in our own minds.)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My life is so biszare .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What did your best friend do that ended your friendship?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
What are some hard truths that MAGA needs to hear?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We were not on the streets..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im still living with it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was scared of men, in general
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was very sick at this time too.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was 9 years of age.
We all went to grammer schools
It was going to be , some day.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What did i know ?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She loved him until the end.
Put me off passion for life!!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I have no regrets .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I write beautiful poetry .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One cannot live in the past .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She wouldn,t have been !
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
When she asked me how she looked .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was seconnd youngest,
He knew the spot.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I waited trembling.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Comes on , in middle age.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So, i spoilt her more .
Was to survive, this bastard.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Especially a lifetime of it.
All the time i was locked up.
But it wasn’t much.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As i do to all so called friends.?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My family never makes their pension either.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But, we were locked up after school.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Who then, do I blame.?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I never cut or harmed myself..
She was in good health!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Ive learnt so much.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And i lived it daily.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She married twice! .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
This is soul school!.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.